Charity Corner
The Family Place
30th Anniversary for The Family Place
This year The Family Place marks 30 years of saving lives in the Dallas community. Throughout our history, with help from community partners, we have sheltered more than 16,000 women and children, answered more than 400,000 calls for help, and served more than 135,000 clients in residential and outreach programs totaling more than 1.4 million service hours.
When The Family Place began its work in family violence, there were no laws in Dallas protecting battered women, no policies for the arrest of batterers, and no shelters to save lives. In 1978, we opened one of the first shelters for victims of family violence in the state of Texas and began our mission to eliminate family violence through proactive prevention and intervention, extensive community education, and caring advocacy and assistance for victims and their families. Today Dallas is a national model for its integrated response to domestic violence victims, and The Family Place is proud of its leadership role in the work toward that positive change.
Warning signs of an abusive personality
Something’s just not right in your relationship, and you can’t put your finger on it. So here’s some help. If your partner is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may getting involved with a potential batterer.
1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on very strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures a girl for an
exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. He is excessively possessive. He calls constantly or visits unexpectedly, prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone,” and even
checks the mileage on your car.
3. He is controlling. He interrogates you intensely (especially if you’re late) about whom you talked to and where you were. He insists you ask his permission
to go anywhere or do anything.
4. He has unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be the perfect girl all the time and meet his every need.
5. He isolates you. He tries to cut you off from family and friends and accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.” An abuser may try to
prevent you from holding a job, going to church or being part of school organizations.
6. He blames others for his problems and mistakes. The teacher, the coach, you—it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
7. He makes everyone else responsible for his feelings. An abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of, “I am angry” or, “You’re hurting me by not doing what
I tell you.” Less obvious but equally telling is the claim: “You make me happy.”
8. He is hypersensitive. He is easily insulted and claims that his feelings are hurt when he is really mad. He rants about the injustice of things that are
just part of life.
9. He displays cruelty to animals. He kills or punishes animals brutally.
10. He displays “playful” use of force. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will. He forces you to kiss him and doesn’t
accept “no.”
11. He verbally abuses you. He constantly criticizes you or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things, degrades you, curses and calls you ugly names. If he does
this in front of other people, you may really be at risk for physical abuse.
12. He insists on rigid roles for men and women. He is strong. You are weak. He expects you to serve and obey him because you are “his woman.”
13. He displays sudden mood swings. He switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in minutes.
14. He has battered in the past. He admits to hitting girls in the past , but says they or the situation made him do it.
15. He threatens you with physical violence. He makes statements like, “I’ll break your neck.” or “I’ll kill you.” and then dismiss them with, “Everybody
talks that way.” or “I didn’t really mean it.” If he has come this far, it is time to get out and get help.
If your partner hits you in public, tries to strangle you or threatens suicide, get help fast. These are very real, very dangerous warning signs of extreme danger.
This information was adapted from “Signs to Look for in a Battering Personality,” a Project for Victims of Family Violence in Fayetteville, Arkansas.
